TIPSLIFEHACKS

Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes of those steamy TV scenes in shows like Normal People, I May Destroy You, and Sex Education? A lot, it turns out, thanks to the rising profession of 'intimacy coordinator'. Ita O'Brien is one of the leading figures in this field, and she’s revolutionising how sex and intimacy are portrayed on screen. But what can we, the viewers, learn from her expertise about our own relationships and understanding of intimacy?

I recently spent an afternoon with Ita, and the experience was illuminating. It's not just about blocking actors and ensuring safety (though that’s a crucial part); it’s about creating a space where actors feel comfortable, respected, and empowered to portray vulnerability and intimacy authentically. Ita's role involves meticulous planning, open communication, and a deep understanding of boundaries – both physical and emotional.

The concept of an intimacy coordinator is relatively new, born out of a growing awareness of the power dynamics and potential for exploitation within the entertainment industry. For years, actors, particularly women, were often left to navigate uncomfortable and potentially harmful situations with little support. Ita and others like her are changing that, advocating for consent, agency, and professional boundaries on set.

So, what lessons can we take from Ita’s work and apply to our own lives? Firstly, the importance of communication. Ita emphasises the need for clear and honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and comfort levels. This isn’t just relevant for actors; it's fundamental to any healthy relationship.

Secondly, the concept of consent isn't a one-time agreement but an ongoing process. Ita stresses that consent needs to be enthusiastic, informed, and freely given. It’s about constantly checking in with your partner and ensuring that everyone feels safe and respected. This applies to every interaction, from a casual touch to a more intimate encounter.

Thirdly, Ita’s work highlights the crucial role of vulnerability in intimacy. True connection requires us to be willing to show our authentic selves, flaws and all. This can be scary, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Ita creates an environment where actors can explore vulnerability without fear of judgment, and we can learn from that by fostering similar spaces in our own relationships.

Finally, Ita’s approach underscores the importance of self-awareness. Understanding our own boundaries, desires, and triggers is essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. It’s about knowing what we need and being able to communicate it effectively.

Ita O’Brien’s work is more than just a profession; it's a movement towards greater respect, agency, and understanding in the portrayal of intimacy. And by paying attention to the lessons she’s teaching on screen, we can all learn to cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections in our own lives. Perhaps the next time you're watching a show with a particularly compelling intimate scene, you'll appreciate the careful choreography and thoughtful consideration that went into it – and reflect on how those principles can enrich your own relationships.